I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I need to stop coming to work sober
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The cops high fived after they tackled you
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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