This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
