why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
