He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
