Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
