Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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