i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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