you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
