There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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