I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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