does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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