needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
