Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
