you guys were way drunker than both of me
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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