meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
