I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
