Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
