do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
if i died would you start the facebook group?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
