It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
