Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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