I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
