I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
