the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
