Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
