I'm lost and stupid without you.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
