I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
