What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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