my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
