i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
