After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
