Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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