I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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