Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
