you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
