Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
