Just took my morning after pill in the library
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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