waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
