I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize