Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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