i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
