in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
