Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
