update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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