your room smells of hookers.
And success
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize