be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
