She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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