What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
