butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
