My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
