why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize