Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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