This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
