the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize