I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize