nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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