you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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