did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
