I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
