his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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