based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
