You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
