Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
