are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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