those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
