ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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