You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
