At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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