Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
