..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
His nipple licking is glorious
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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