there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
