his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Is Oprah even human
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
