in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize