apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
